Keep Your Wonder

The point of this blog was to keep myself accountable and write consistently. Oops. Oh well.

Tonight I find myself thinking about how disappointed and discouraged I’ve been lately. Now, I’m not one who is easily discouraged, and I can find the best in anyone, (no matter how deeply buried it might be). But sometimes it just feels like the deck is stacked against you and you’re not just facing hill after hill after hill, but rather a whole mountain range that looks like it goes on for miles.

I don’t know if anyone else out there is like me, but in the midst of these life circumstances I just want to curl up in a fetal position, pull the covers over my head and go to sleep for about a hundred years. Wake me up when its over. What’s going on you ask? Oh nothing much, just life transition. Did I forget to mention I don’t really like change all that much? Especially since I remember being way more flexible than I currently feel.

So what do I do when I desperately want to have joy, yet my heart cries out with the pain of disappointment? Usually the first thing I would do is grab a pint of coconut or green tea ice cream (don’t ask me why, there’s just something really satisfying about those particular flavors to me) and I sit and binge watch a baking competition. Then, because my body would revolt and be unhappy with me, a few hours later I’d get up and run a few miles, burning off the calories, soothing my tv-soaked with endorphins and dopamine. The next day, I’d go to work and be super industrious, and begin to feel happy, because I felt useful and I could shut the door on that part of my soul that is screaming. Busyness works amazingly well to stave off pain. Just don’t have time for pain – denial is a beautiful technique.

Here’s where the but comes in (and its pretty big, given that I’ve been sitting in an environment for two years that is the equivalent of a hothouse on steroids for my spirit, soul and emotions. You literally have to TRY to NOT grow here). I’ve discovered that pain, while perhaps unpleasant, really isn’t all that bad. I’d assigned a morality to pain, that I’m doing ‘good’ if I’m not going through painful things, the converse of that being I’m doing ‘bad’ if I am. But pain (and I’m talking about emotional pain here) doesn’t necessarily have a moral value. It’s more like the bat signal that tells me “Hey, something is wrong in this vicinity and you need a superhero to show up.” For me, that superhero is Jesus.

My background is one that somewhere along the way I picked up the crazy notion that I should be clean before I came to God for anything. I mean, grace, who needs it? Oh I don’t know, just EVERYBODY. It would be easy to write down that God’s grace has been sufficient for me and it has been. But there is so much process encompassed within that simple little sentence. You want to know what grace does for me really? It empowers me to be honest with God – like super-close to the blaspheme line honest. Because He can take it.

It’s scary to be honest with God sometimes. To be vulnerable to anyone can prove challenging, but to show my imperfect heart to a perfect being, who is holy and righteous to boot? It feels like I don’t stand a chance. Yet the more of my own heart that I share with the One who created me, the more open I am with Him, the better I feel. One of my favorite quotes I’ve paraphrased here, from Nelson Mandela, “it doesn’t matter how many times you get knocked down, it only matters how many times you get up.” How do I keep my wonder, how do I keep my perspective “correct”? Especially in the midst of disappointment?

I let the dirt be on my face. I let the emotion, the pain, all the raw feels, I let it all out. And as I sit in the midst of it, Jesus shows up, every single time. We’ve got a thing now, where I just tell him all of the things that have sucked lately, straight to His beautiful face. And ever so gently, with great great kindness, ( the sort of kindness that’s almost irritating) He wipes off my face, takes me by the hand, lifting me up again. And suddenly, one foot is in front of the other again.

Here’s the point to all of the above 800 something words. I used to try to climb out of discouragement by myself. I’ve discovered I’m not big enough and I’m not strong enough to do that. He is. The only way to get out of it is to walk through it. And it’s so much nicer to walk with Him through it than it is to try and do it on your own. Take it from one who’s tried. Keeping your wonder isn’t about never experiencing pain or walking around continually happy every waking hour. Keeping your wonder is getting knocked down, waking through the pain with God, who loves you so much more than you can think or imagine, and watching Him still love you, when you feel the most un-lovable. Keeping your wonder is experiencing the pain of disappointment, while keeping your eye on the person of Truth.

Why? Why will performance kill me? Because its the thing that tells me that I have to try to be who I already am. Performance tells me, “if I just behave right, then I’ll be changed, then things will go my way, I’ll get what I deserve.” Performance is the gateway drug to entitlement, and that thing will suck the life out of me simply because that lens keeps me focused on what isn’t happening and all the things that are happening.

In the last week I’ve discovered several people who are going on a trip that I am not able to go on. I’ve spent a few days really disappointed and I hate that feeling. I could feel entitlement daring me to look at these people with the eyes of jealousy and offense. Let me tell you there is nothing that makes me feel uglier than when my heart is leaning towards the wrong position. Like I physically feel ugly and don’t want to look in the mirror. And I don’t want to talk to God about it, because if I let Him into that, He’s going to see how ugly I’ve made what was His. What was that? Oh right, that’s shame, a nasty root of performance that gets a lot of credit in the world because shame actually gets shit done. Shame motivates, it gets people to hide their flaws, present their best selves and in general, try really really hard to get it right this time.

But shame is like a reverse blood transfusion, it steals life from me and my heart feels totally justified in letting it because, after all, when I experience the emotions of disappointment and ‘gasp’ jealousy, there must be an open door to sin and death somewhere. Folks, that mentality is religion and I think it makes me look fat. (insert laughing emoji here).

I learned something recently about emotions that when paired with a teaching I heard about the prodigal son, became revolutionary. Emotions are amoral. They don’t actually have a judgment value attached to them. Yet I’ve spent my whole life make judgments about myself (and other people) based on what I feel. And I’ve been a ‘feeler’ for a really long time (more on that whole subject to come). When I take the knowledge that emotions are amoral, they don’t actually have a value (other than that which I place on them), and pair it with the idea that God doesn’t look at us in our mess as right or wrong, but rather He sees only lost and found, an explosion goes off in my head.

Perhaps this is not new to you, perhaps you have come to this already and I’m just slow in catching up. No matter, my life is still changed and so is my thinking. I no longer view my emotions as good or bad, positive or negative, avoiding entirely now the exit ramp into self-judgment and self-hatred. Nice try shame, maybe better luck next time. Or not.

I’ve spent the last several months, perhaps even the last several years feeling like the walking dead. Let me explain what I mean by that, because I’m sure the first image that comes to ones mind is either a zombie or a vampire.  I will make use of these for the moment, as whenever I’ve seen them portrayed, they seem to be either mindless creatures who have lost all reason, in search of the thing that keeps them “alive” (zombies) or they are the being that waits in the shadows shrewdly, hoping for a chance to steal life from someone else, at great cost to the victim (a vampire).

I hope in my actions I’ve not been either, but my heart has certainly felt like its been searching for that thing that gives me life – those places where my soul is sparked with passion, passion that I once felt and lived in, passion that I held onto with everything I had. Its funny to be someone who has had a life-long relationship with the Creator of the universe, and yet I’m in this place where my heart is trying to remember what brings me life.

To the religiously grounded, I just need to read my bible more and I need to pray more. I tried that, but in the doing my heart screamed, ‘I’m dying!’ Please don’t get me wrong, I love the bible, and I read from it daily, even when I don’t feel like it. But I’ve stopped reading it because its what I’m supposed to do and I’ve started to read until I find Him. Sometimes I don’t like what I read- sometimes I don’t understand. So then praying more…actually, what if I listen more?

I pray a lot. I spend a lot of time, on my end, talking to God. And I have seasons where I do a great job listening, even a fantastic job listening. Yet, sometimes I think I’ve made God into a wooden idol, that if I say the right thing, if I have the right formula, then what I want comes to pass. But it doesn’t work like that. He’s a person… He came to earth and put skin on.

I have a relationship with a person, the Person. I don’t know about anyone else, but I just want to know Him, how He sees the world, where He finds life, where His heart becomes passionate again. I like to think that we human beings, each and every one of us are actually little slivers of His heart running all over the world with skin on. And I think the place I find myself in now is just me trying to find out how my sliver fits back into the whole.

So I sit back today, reviewing my calendar, excited for certain parts of my day and less so for others. And that is what it is. I’m alright if I’m not super excited for every moment of life right now. I’m happy that I’m still willing to sit still and listen. I’m happy that even if He’s not giving me what I want, I still connect with the Person. Because He’s not surprised by where I am and He’s not mad about it either. And He’s not waiting for me to figure it out. He’s just waiting for my stillness; in that stillness leaning over and whispering in my ear. I think of myself as someone who likes to do, to accomplish and to achieve. Yet, I can not help but be thankful in this season where my heart is tired that I just get to be still……and listen.

God is good all the time. This declaration is one that I know to be true all the time. Now whether that feels true all the time is another story. Feelings are fickle things, that when held in the proper place serve me well. Yet when those emotions are not kept in check, when they are permitted to run wild and take my thoughts all over the place, disaster strikes and I begin to forget that God is good all the time. Still, this truth remains, Abba Father is good, all the time, irrespective of what the circumstances say.

I am so thankful and grateful to my Abba for the job that He provided me that allows me to create wonderful (and tasty) things. I love creating, and I love that Abba Father knows me so well, to know what brings me joy and to bless me in such a way. And in the midst of this wonderful receiving, I ask myself the question: how is it that we can experience His goodness in one moment, and then in the next moment question that goodness because of a fear? When did fear become more powerful than love?

I find the answer to my question in His Word, Jesus made flesh and then written down for us to have, cherish and nourish ourselves with. “But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet.” 1 Thessalonians 5:8

The words ‘putting on’ actually translate as ‘to sink into’ (this puts me in mind of song lyrics, ‘if love is an ocean we’re all sinking’); the word for faith here in the greek is ‘pistis’, a feminine noun that means ‘conviction of truth’ coming from a root word which means to be persuaded. The word hope here means ‘to anticipate with pleasure’. The word salvation in this context  is derived from the root word ‘sozo’, which means ‘to save, keep safe and sound, to rescue from danger or destruction, to heal, to restore to health’. The word ‘day’ in greek derives from a root which implies being firm, immovable and steadfast and the word ‘belong’ here stems from a verb which means ‘to be’. Breastplate in this verse translates as the actual breastplate, consisting of two parts that protected the body on both sides from neck to middle. Helmet also literally translates as ‘about the head’, but metaphorically was used to reference protection of the soul.

So here’s how I read my answer from the Word “But since I am firm, immovable, and steadfast, let me be self-controlled, sinking into conviction of truth, wearing love as protection, anticipating with pleasure  my deliverance, my being kept safe and sound, my restoration which protects my soul.”

Fear can never be more powerful than Love. Period. And if you sometimes struggle as I do with how circumstance can ‘feel’, just remember that Love is a person, Jesus. And we are given an amazing description of Love in 1 Corinthians 13. Permit me this substitution of His name in these verses.

“Jesus is patient and kind; Jesus does not envy or boast. He is not arrogant or rude. He does not insist on His own way; He is not irritable or resentful; He does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Jesus bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Jesus never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away, as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned liked a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. So now faith, hope and Jesus abide, these three; but the greatest of these is Jesus.”

So if you are struggling with being subject or ruled by your feelings, take some time to go to your Abba Father who loves you and repent (which means to change the way you think). Ask Jesus to help you change the way you think about how much weight you give your emotions verses what you know to be true about your Heavenly Daddy. Let the Holy Spirit cover you with His wrap-around glory and bring your emotions, thoughts and feelings under His authority.

I tend to beat up on myself more so than I should; I have plenty of grace for others, but am stingy when it comes to myself. So have some grace for yourself today. When you make a mistake (because these are part of life), remember that that mistake has already been paid for, by the highest price. Love covers a multitude of sins. Jesus covers you today, no matter what it feels like. Love is a person, and while He won’t force you to live in His kingdom, life is so much better when we do.

Is anyone else like me, in that it is easy to say ‘praise Jesus’ and ‘God is so good’ when I can see the blessing right in front of me? But when My natural eyes don’t see, when I’ve been called to a place of rest and there are all these things that demand my attention, what is a girl to do? Resting is easy when you feel tired, (at least for me). But when I want to go out and do, yet am limited by my circumstances, and the still small voice says, “Rest”, then sitting still becomes hard. 

When I look at all those things that demand my attention, those responsibilities that threaten to become burdens, I realize that my perspective can become hardened. I can’t forget that Abba made me to be a worshiper first, even when I don’t feel like it. I am so thankful that it is virtually impossible to offend my Abba, for some of the worship I have brought before Him has been more for me rather than Him. I trust Him, or at least I say that with my mouth. But if I really trust Him, then that means I trust His love for me. 

Love is a funny thing in this world, and it can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. There’s a whole chapter on love in the bible, 1st Corinthians 13. (I really like that this chapter is sandwiched between two chapters on spiritual gifts, like a great sandwich where love is the meat, but that’s for another time) Sometimes I read what love is, and I think, “Abba, I try so hard to do this and I’m failing.” 

And in His loving kindness, His grace answers, “Therein lies the problem Beloved, you are trying to ‘do’, when this is in fact who you are to ‘be’. 

Learning just to be in His presence, to be who He made me, to be still, might be the most uncomfortable thing I’ve ever experienced. At the same time, I’ve never had so much freedom in my whole life. So when the responsibilities entrusted to me come knocking at my door, demanding my attention, I now can say, come in, and  meet the One to whom you must bow. I don’t always understand the process, and I frequently have to check my own expectations at the door, but of this much I am certain. Love chooses the best. And love is a person who’s name is Jesus. He will always choose the best for us, even when we don’t see it and make the wrong choice, He works all things for good. This includes our mistakes. He isn’t swayed by or afraid of our dirt. The parts of us that seem ugly and displeasing are merely those places where love is to run over and make the jagged places smooth, like a river over stones. 

So if you find yourself in a place where you are telling yourself, “I just need to….fill in the blank with a verb”, I want you to stop for a moment, be still and lift up your head for Love is passing by. I want you to know how much joy He has in when we come to Him and are honest about where we are at. When I give Him my worship in the midst of what I can’t see, I’m actually affirming who He is to me. When I stand before Him and praise Him as a provider when everything in the natural screams the opposite, I create a space for faith to bloom, for the miraculous to occur, and I widen my vision to see, taste, experience and encounter Him. 

As King David said in Psalm 138:2 “I bow down before your divine presence and bring you my deepest worship, as I experience your tender love, and your living truth. For the promises of your word and the fame of your name have been magnified above all else! ” When we magnify Him in our lives, everything else gets really, really small by comparison. He is Abba, and He is bigger than the universe, yet we can choose how we see Him. We can choose to make Him really small in our life. Life tip: let the vastness of His love overwhelm you until that is all you see. 

There’s a fun parable about a Portaguese wood cutter. This woodcutter was cutting wood one day when a beautfiul horse walked up to him and put her head in his hands. Since she was a fine specimen of a horse, he took her home, put her in the small field next to his home and praised God for the gift. All the woodcutters neighbors thought, ‘he must have done something to please God’ and they were happy for him. A few days later the horse ran away. The woodcutter simply smiled, and praised God. His neighbors all thought to themselves, ‘he must have displeased God’. 

A few days after the horse ran away, she came back with her herd in tow, thirty or more horses, each better than the original. The woodcutter smiled and praised God. His neighbors all changed their minds about him again, thinking ‘he must have done something right to please God.’ The woodcutter and his son built a paddock and began to train the horses, riding them every day. One day the woodcutter’s son fell from his mount and broke his leg. All the woodcutter’s neighbors were convinced he’d done something to displease God. The woodcutter set his son’s leg, smiled and praised God. Two days later, war was announced and all the young men of the village were conscripted into the army, except the woodcutter’s son who had a broken leg. As his neighbors sent their own sons off to war weeping, they were convinced that the woodcutter must have done something to please God. The woodcutter just smiled and praised God. 

What is it to be a gateway? I wake this morning with thoughts of gates in my head. There are many different kinds of gates in the world, with many different purposes. But the best gate is the one through which people enter in. 

King David, in the 24th psalm said: ” Who, then, ascends into the presence of the Lord? And who has the privilege of entering into God’s holy place? Those who are clean- whose works and ways are pure; whose hearts are true and sealed by truth; those who never deceive, whose words are sure. They will recieve the Lord’s blessing, and righteousness given by the Savior-God. They will stand before God. For they seek the pleasure of God’s face, the God of Jacob. So wake up you living gateways! Lift up your heads, you ageless doors of destiny! Welcome the King of Glory, for He is about to come through you.” Psalm 24:4-7(passion)

This is a marvelous calling that fills me with such joy. I can think of nothing better in this world than to be the gateway of heaven to others. I recently heard my pastor say that the scent of heaven is wonderful life to some and death to others, over that which others experience we have no control; it’s just our job to be fragrant. All I want this morning is to be fragrant, to be the doorway that welcomes others in. I do not want to be as the Pharisees were, refusing to enter themselves and denying others entry. (See Matthew 23:13) For as King David also said in Psalm 34:8, “Taste and see that the Lord is good, blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.” 

In the short time that I have been in my new home, I have tasted and seen the goodness of the Father, who sits beside me nightly and watches over me in all things. The lie that when I have sinned He turns His back on me, or I am somehow thrust from His presence has disintegrated at the feet of grace. As I daily make room for more of His presence, as I make a “space and a place” (to quote my pastor) of being alone with Abba Father, of allowing grace to make the paths straight and the rough places smooth within me, I have discovered that I become even better than I could have possibly imagined. For in verse 5 of Psalm 34 David wrote, “Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” I realize something valuable and precious. I and all who turn to Father God, our faces are radiant. It’s who we already are. We will never be covered with shame.

But what about those who read those words eagerly, hungrily, desperate to believe this truth, yet find it almost impossible? I have wondrous  news for you, a revelation of the goodness of your Heavenly Father, whose kindness leads to repentance. The living gateway, the ageless door of destiny, that is who you are, the what, if you will. Yet so often even I ask Abba, “how do I enter in to this reality and experience this truth?” I want to know the how.

“But in the depths of my heart I truly know that you have become my Shield; you take me and surround me with yourself. Your glory covers me continually. You alone restore my courage; for you lift high my head when I bow low in shame. I have cried out to you and from your holy presence, you send me a Father’s help. Selah (pause in His presence) So now I’ll lie down and go to sleep- and I’ll awake in safety for you surround me with your glory.” Psalm 3:3-5 (passion) This is the how. Recieving and agreeing with His truth, the truth that He speaks over us, that He sings over us. 

It has been a hard lesson for me to learn to simply recieve and rest in how Abba Father sees me. Because it seems too wonderful, too glorious a thing for me to conceive of or possibly attain. Yet that is His heart for His children. And  make no mistake you are His child. In these last two weeks I have not even been much aware of the day or  time because of His glory surrounding me. I have discovered that my receiving of His surrounding glory, my resting in His presence, brings Him such joy. 

For all you who are wrestling with shame, I want you to know that shame is a lie, intended only to isolate you and keep you from  the love of you Father. Your Heavenly Father never uses shame, ever. He always wants you to come into Him, for He made you, He knows you and He loves you. So as a living gateway, by the power of the blood of Jesus, I breath life into you who read these words. I breath release from shame and fear. I breath hope, peace and abundant life into you. Wake up, you living gateway, and let the Glory King come in. 

I’m seven days into my adventure, and over and over is the message of God as good Father. I feel like He’s chasing me down with this part of Him. And it stuck me this morning that I will never grow past this with Father God. With my earthly father, my relationship changed as I grew from a young child to an adult and my needs from him changed. With Abba Father, He is always a good Father, and I am loved by Him, always, no matter what I do, say, think, feel. And this will never change. As my relationship with Abba grows, the picture becomes clearer that as I become more and more childlike, my capacity to understand His goodness increases.

I’m still searching for employment and the process is a little slower than I’d like. I’m a get it done, let’s find the solution to this problem, implement what works, tweek what doesn’t and move on to the next thing, kind of person. Thank you Jesus that Your timetable is not my timetable. In this process I have a lot of time to simply read scripture and re-read some of my favorite books. (When Heaven invades Earth, by Bill Johnson, I highly recommend it)

I find myself this morning in 1 Peter 5:6-7, a familiar passage to us all I”m sure. “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on HIm because He cares for you.” Now, I don’t know why, but for most of my life, I’ve read these verses separately, ignoring the fact that they are right next to each other for a reason, like, oh I don’t know, maybe one verse informs the other? Shocking. So there is something about humility, the act of being humble that ties to my ability to cast all my cares on HIm.

Now my understanding of humility is that it is strength restrained. I know that it has been popular to denigrate ourselves and call it being humble, but that just doesn’t cut the mustard for me. So go with me on this, humility = strength restrained, lack of arrogance over our own abilities. All strength and ability I have comes from Him, so apart from Him I can do nothing. When I acknowledge that my strength, my ability is as nothing compared to Abba Father’s strength, then my focus shifts from what I can’t do,  (keeping anxiety in check) to what He can do (destroying anxiety and throwing it into a very deep dark pit where it will never get out). Humility gives me the ability to release my hold on those things that are keeping me back from all that Abba has for me. And He cares for me, which means He wants me to let go of what I don’t need, so that He can lift me up to what He has for me, because I can’t get to that wonderful destiny by myself.

As a Father He comes to me, pursuing me, especially in the midst of my struggle with this jar of clay and He says, “Why don’t you let me hold all those cares and worries for you. Then you’ll be able to do what you’ve been trying to do all along without being crippled yourself or hurting anyone else.” And sometimes He just smiles and says, “Sit, rest and let Me do it.” Not going to lie, therein lies my biggest struggle, that sometimes all I’m supposed to actually do, is rest in Him.

But just as a father with a child learning a new skill, Abba never asks me to do anything alone or without an example. And here’s what really wrecks me: He loves doing with us. He is God with us – not God through us. I understand that God works through people all the time (both saved and saved, that isn’t my point). Think about the the words God With Us.

The dictionary definition of with: in some particular relation to (especially implying interaction, company, association, conjunction, or connection). The synonyms for with: along, amidst, alongside, among, beside, by, for, including, near, plus, upon. He is God with us. And He loves it, because He is a good Father, that’s who He is. And we are loved by Him; it’s who we are.

I woke up this morning and realized with all the moving and transition, I haven’t updated this in a while. Oops.

I was reading Psalm 30 this morning, (passion translation) and I am struck by a portion of the verses that I sometimes resonate with more than I should. David said, “But then suddenly, you hid your face from me. I was panic-stricken and became so depressed.”(v.6-7)

How often does this happen to me? Not that often, but it does happen. So what is one to do when one feels that God has hidden His face? For me it’s not a nice feeling. Yet it is an excellent signal that perhaps somewhere along the way I forgot to rest in Him. Personally, I’ve been going through so much transition that my body and mind have been programed to the default setting of ‘do.’ And I get here and want to keep ‘doing’. And He simply says to me, “Be. Be in Me. Enjoy me. I know all the things that are running through your brain. I know you need a job, a way to pay your bills and achieve all the things I have put in your heart. Right now, this moment, just be.” How often is it that I think God has turned His face from me, when in actuality it is my posture that has changed? It is I who have somehow looked away to stare at all the little distractions, (which are often valid and legitimate concerns). It seems contrary to thought and logic that the way to handle all the cares and responsibilities of my life is to stop looking at those things and just spend time looking at Him, being with Him.

As I read further through the Psalm, I come to my favorite picture of my Father. “Then He broke through and transformed all my wailing into a whirling dance of ecstatic praise! He has torn the veil and lifted from me the sad heaviness of mourning. He wrapped me in the glory-garments of gladness.” (v.11) What makes me most happy in reading this verse, is that He breaks through. He is never holding Himself far from me, rather He waged a war and won, so that I might stand and live and rest with Him in victory. His victory. So when I encounter the lies that have set themselves up against His truth, like dry twigs of little substance the lies burn away in the fire of His presence.

Yeah, that was my morning this morning. And I fully anticipate that it’s just going to get better and better. I have arrived safely at my destination and am settled in well. I will attempt to secure employment today, so all of you who see this, please pray for me. I promise to be better about posting here, so for everyone who has asked for updates, please just check in here.

(If you have ever believed the lie that you are not enough, that you have somehow disappointed your Almighty Father, that if you’ve ever felt that if you could just ‘do’ better, you would carry the Presence of the Holy Spirit in greater measure, this is for you)

I have loved you with an everlasting love. I have given you My Spirit in full measure; you have All of HIm. Whether you are aware of this or not, does not change anything, I AM still with you. You are My sons and My daughters whom I delight in. whom I treasure above all other creation on and in the earth. You are My living gateways, and I speak through you without you doing anything, because you can not help but testify with your very life of Your Father. Stop striving Beloved, stop attempting to gain faith by your own grace. My grace is sufficient for you, My love covers ALL your sins.

I don’t care if you are stuck in the midst of sin right now, do you know why? Because My love goes deeper, My covenant with you goes deeper. Let My Spirit come upon your mind, changing the way you think, understanding that you are my child, in whom I am well pleased, no matter what happens. This morning, I just want to pull you closer to me, bring you in to experience Me and all that I AM. So just open your eyes and look at Me beloved, because I put My face right to yours, nose to nose, eyelash to eyelash and I am whispering, “flesh of My flesh and bone of My bone.”

I have loved you with an everlasting love, from before time began.

I love you with everlasting love, forever.

-Jesus

Jeremiah 31:3; Psalm 103:17

I don’t normally talk about the enemy, preferring to focus my attention on the One who is much, much bigger. However, today I have a sense that some clarification needs to be given. As I have studied scripture the past few weeks, several different times I’ve come across two verses that stick out to me, punctuated by some experiences at my work.

My job can be challenging, but for the last week and a half it has been very smooth, and spiritually quiet, which usually isn’t the case. I’ve come to appreciate my job because it has taught me the true meaning of what it means to ‘pray continually’. Then yesterday, something very nasty showed up; I had a vision of one of those frightening characters you’d see in a chainsaw murder movie (I don’t watch those kinds of things precisely because of what those give invitation to). Everywhere I turned at my job yesterday, this specter would flash before my spiritual eyes, menacing and threatening. The atmosphere was cold, spiritually and physically.

Now, I refuse to be cowed by fear. Fear is my enemy and I have been given the Holy Spirit who is bold, courageous and has a sound mind. Every time I saw this figure yesterday, these two verses immediately came bubbling to the surface of my mind.

Ephesians 3:10-11: His intent was that now, through the church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms, according to His eternal purpose which He accomplished in Christ Jesus our Lord. (emphasis added)

Matthew 10:26-27: “So do not be afraid of them. There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed or hidden that will not be made known. What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs.” (emphasis added)

Did you know the enemy is a created being? That there has never been a contest between God and the enemy? With a single breath, our Father in Heaven could wipe away the enemy from existence. Yet He doesn’t do that; why? Because His intent is that we, created beings in right relationship with Him, would crush the works of the one who has been in rebellion since the creation of man.

And the best way to do that? Simply tell our Beautiful Jesus how much you love him. It seems so simple, almost too easy. But for anyone who is in the midst of struggle, who is suffering, who sees only the dark everywhere they turn, ‘Jesus I love you’ can be the hardest four words to give voice to. Especially when that suffering is because of oppression at the hands of the enemy.

I want to encourage you today, that whether you are facing a huge impossible circumstance, or a tiny little lie that is attempting to plant itself in your life, you are facing a created being who hates you and has only the authority that he can trick out  of people. You face this created being with the power of the Almighty Creator residing within you. You have the Spirit of the Living God resting in you and upon you. So turn your face to King Jesus, tell him all about it and watch the works of the enemy be destroyed. Jesus is speaking to you, and you know His voice. Speak out over your life and the lives of others that the Creator is saying. His words never go out void; His breath always, always brings life.