Month: July 2015

Is anyone else like me, in that it is easy to say ‘praise Jesus’ and ‘God is so good’ when I can see the blessing right in front of me? But when My natural eyes don’t see, when I’ve been called to a place of rest and there are all these things that demand my attention, what is a girl to do? Resting is easy when you feel tired, (at least for me). But when I want to go out and do, yet am limited by my circumstances, and the still small voice says, “Rest”, then sitting still becomes hard. 

When I look at all those things that demand my attention, those responsibilities that threaten to become burdens, I realize that my perspective can become hardened. I can’t forget that Abba made me to be a worshiper first, even when I don’t feel like it. I am so thankful that it is virtually impossible to offend my Abba, for some of the worship I have brought before Him has been more for me rather than Him. I trust Him, or at least I say that with my mouth. But if I really trust Him, then that means I trust His love for me. 

Love is a funny thing in this world, and it can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. There’s a whole chapter on love in the bible, 1st Corinthians 13. (I really like that this chapter is sandwiched between two chapters on spiritual gifts, like a great sandwich where love is the meat, but that’s for another time) Sometimes I read what love is, and I think, “Abba, I try so hard to do this and I’m failing.” 

And in His loving kindness, His grace answers, “Therein lies the problem Beloved, you are trying to ‘do’, when this is in fact who you are to ‘be’. 

Learning just to be in His presence, to be who He made me, to be still, might be the most uncomfortable thing I’ve ever experienced. At the same time, I’ve never had so much freedom in my whole life. So when the responsibilities entrusted to me come knocking at my door, demanding my attention, I now can say, come in, and  meet the One to whom you must bow. I don’t always understand the process, and I frequently have to check my own expectations at the door, but of this much I am certain. Love chooses the best. And love is a person who’s name is Jesus. He will always choose the best for us, even when we don’t see it and make the wrong choice, He works all things for good. This includes our mistakes. He isn’t swayed by or afraid of our dirt. The parts of us that seem ugly and displeasing are merely those places where love is to run over and make the jagged places smooth, like a river over stones. 

So if you find yourself in a place where you are telling yourself, “I just need to….fill in the blank with a verb”, I want you to stop for a moment, be still and lift up your head for Love is passing by. I want you to know how much joy He has in when we come to Him and are honest about where we are at. When I give Him my worship in the midst of what I can’t see, I’m actually affirming who He is to me. When I stand before Him and praise Him as a provider when everything in the natural screams the opposite, I create a space for faith to bloom, for the miraculous to occur, and I widen my vision to see, taste, experience and encounter Him. 

As King David said in Psalm 138:2 “I bow down before your divine presence and bring you my deepest worship, as I experience your tender love, and your living truth. For the promises of your word and the fame of your name have been magnified above all else! ” When we magnify Him in our lives, everything else gets really, really small by comparison. He is Abba, and He is bigger than the universe, yet we can choose how we see Him. We can choose to make Him really small in our life. Life tip: let the vastness of His love overwhelm you until that is all you see. 

There’s a fun parable about a Portaguese wood cutter. This woodcutter was cutting wood one day when a beautfiul horse walked up to him and put her head in his hands. Since she was a fine specimen of a horse, he took her home, put her in the small field next to his home and praised God for the gift. All the woodcutters neighbors thought, ‘he must have done something to please God’ and they were happy for him. A few days later the horse ran away. The woodcutter simply smiled, and praised God. His neighbors all thought to themselves, ‘he must have displeased God’. 

A few days after the horse ran away, she came back with her herd in tow, thirty or more horses, each better than the original. The woodcutter smiled and praised God. His neighbors all changed their minds about him again, thinking ‘he must have done something right to please God.’ The woodcutter and his son built a paddock and began to train the horses, riding them every day. One day the woodcutter’s son fell from his mount and broke his leg. All the woodcutter’s neighbors were convinced he’d done something to displease God. The woodcutter set his son’s leg, smiled and praised God. Two days later, war was announced and all the young men of the village were conscripted into the army, except the woodcutter’s son who had a broken leg. As his neighbors sent their own sons off to war weeping, they were convinced that the woodcutter must have done something to please God. The woodcutter just smiled and praised God. 

What is it to be a gateway? I wake this morning with thoughts of gates in my head. There are many different kinds of gates in the world, with many different purposes. But the best gate is the one through which people enter in. 

King David, in the 24th psalm said: ” Who, then, ascends into the presence of the Lord? And who has the privilege of entering into God’s holy place? Those who are clean- whose works and ways are pure; whose hearts are true and sealed by truth; those who never deceive, whose words are sure. They will recieve the Lord’s blessing, and righteousness given by the Savior-God. They will stand before God. For they seek the pleasure of God’s face, the God of Jacob. So wake up you living gateways! Lift up your heads, you ageless doors of destiny! Welcome the King of Glory, for He is about to come through you.” Psalm 24:4-7(passion)

This is a marvelous calling that fills me with such joy. I can think of nothing better in this world than to be the gateway of heaven to others. I recently heard my pastor say that the scent of heaven is wonderful life to some and death to others, over that which others experience we have no control; it’s just our job to be fragrant. All I want this morning is to be fragrant, to be the doorway that welcomes others in. I do not want to be as the Pharisees were, refusing to enter themselves and denying others entry. (See Matthew 23:13) For as King David also said in Psalm 34:8, “Taste and see that the Lord is good, blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.” 

In the short time that I have been in my new home, I have tasted and seen the goodness of the Father, who sits beside me nightly and watches over me in all things. The lie that when I have sinned He turns His back on me, or I am somehow thrust from His presence has disintegrated at the feet of grace. As I daily make room for more of His presence, as I make a “space and a place” (to quote my pastor) of being alone with Abba Father, of allowing grace to make the paths straight and the rough places smooth within me, I have discovered that I become even better than I could have possibly imagined. For in verse 5 of Psalm 34 David wrote, “Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” I realize something valuable and precious. I and all who turn to Father God, our faces are radiant. It’s who we already are. We will never be covered with shame.

But what about those who read those words eagerly, hungrily, desperate to believe this truth, yet find it almost impossible? I have wondrous  news for you, a revelation of the goodness of your Heavenly Father, whose kindness leads to repentance. The living gateway, the ageless door of destiny, that is who you are, the what, if you will. Yet so often even I ask Abba, “how do I enter in to this reality and experience this truth?” I want to know the how.

“But in the depths of my heart I truly know that you have become my Shield; you take me and surround me with yourself. Your glory covers me continually. You alone restore my courage; for you lift high my head when I bow low in shame. I have cried out to you and from your holy presence, you send me a Father’s help. Selah (pause in His presence) So now I’ll lie down and go to sleep- and I’ll awake in safety for you surround me with your glory.” Psalm 3:3-5 (passion) This is the how. Recieving and agreeing with His truth, the truth that He speaks over us, that He sings over us. 

It has been a hard lesson for me to learn to simply recieve and rest in how Abba Father sees me. Because it seems too wonderful, too glorious a thing for me to conceive of or possibly attain. Yet that is His heart for His children. And  make no mistake you are His child. In these last two weeks I have not even been much aware of the day or  time because of His glory surrounding me. I have discovered that my receiving of His surrounding glory, my resting in His presence, brings Him such joy. 

For all you who are wrestling with shame, I want you to know that shame is a lie, intended only to isolate you and keep you from  the love of you Father. Your Heavenly Father never uses shame, ever. He always wants you to come into Him, for He made you, He knows you and He loves you. So as a living gateway, by the power of the blood of Jesus, I breath life into you who read these words. I breath release from shame and fear. I breath hope, peace and abundant life into you. Wake up, you living gateway, and let the Glory King come in. 

I’m seven days into my adventure, and over and over is the message of God as good Father. I feel like He’s chasing me down with this part of Him. And it stuck me this morning that I will never grow past this with Father God. With my earthly father, my relationship changed as I grew from a young child to an adult and my needs from him changed. With Abba Father, He is always a good Father, and I am loved by Him, always, no matter what I do, say, think, feel. And this will never change. As my relationship with Abba grows, the picture becomes clearer that as I become more and more childlike, my capacity to understand His goodness increases.

I’m still searching for employment and the process is a little slower than I’d like. I’m a get it done, let’s find the solution to this problem, implement what works, tweek what doesn’t and move on to the next thing, kind of person. Thank you Jesus that Your timetable is not my timetable. In this process I have a lot of time to simply read scripture and re-read some of my favorite books. (When Heaven invades Earth, by Bill Johnson, I highly recommend it)

I find myself this morning in 1 Peter 5:6-7, a familiar passage to us all I”m sure. “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on HIm because He cares for you.” Now, I don’t know why, but for most of my life, I’ve read these verses separately, ignoring the fact that they are right next to each other for a reason, like, oh I don’t know, maybe one verse informs the other? Shocking. So there is something about humility, the act of being humble that ties to my ability to cast all my cares on HIm.

Now my understanding of humility is that it is strength restrained. I know that it has been popular to denigrate ourselves and call it being humble, but that just doesn’t cut the mustard for me. So go with me on this, humility = strength restrained, lack of arrogance over our own abilities. All strength and ability I have comes from Him, so apart from Him I can do nothing. When I acknowledge that my strength, my ability is as nothing compared to Abba Father’s strength, then my focus shifts from what I can’t do,  (keeping anxiety in check) to what He can do (destroying anxiety and throwing it into a very deep dark pit where it will never get out). Humility gives me the ability to release my hold on those things that are keeping me back from all that Abba has for me. And He cares for me, which means He wants me to let go of what I don’t need, so that He can lift me up to what He has for me, because I can’t get to that wonderful destiny by myself.

As a Father He comes to me, pursuing me, especially in the midst of my struggle with this jar of clay and He says, “Why don’t you let me hold all those cares and worries for you. Then you’ll be able to do what you’ve been trying to do all along without being crippled yourself or hurting anyone else.” And sometimes He just smiles and says, “Sit, rest and let Me do it.” Not going to lie, therein lies my biggest struggle, that sometimes all I’m supposed to actually do, is rest in Him.

But just as a father with a child learning a new skill, Abba never asks me to do anything alone or without an example. And here’s what really wrecks me: He loves doing with us. He is God with us – not God through us. I understand that God works through people all the time (both saved and saved, that isn’t my point). Think about the the words God With Us.

The dictionary definition of with: in some particular relation to (especially implying interaction, company, association, conjunction, or connection). The synonyms for with: along, amidst, alongside, among, beside, by, for, including, near, plus, upon. He is God with us. And He loves it, because He is a good Father, that’s who He is. And we are loved by Him; it’s who we are.

I woke up this morning and realized with all the moving and transition, I haven’t updated this in a while. Oops.

I was reading Psalm 30 this morning, (passion translation) and I am struck by a portion of the verses that I sometimes resonate with more than I should. David said, “But then suddenly, you hid your face from me. I was panic-stricken and became so depressed.”(v.6-7)

How often does this happen to me? Not that often, but it does happen. So what is one to do when one feels that God has hidden His face? For me it’s not a nice feeling. Yet it is an excellent signal that perhaps somewhere along the way I forgot to rest in Him. Personally, I’ve been going through so much transition that my body and mind have been programed to the default setting of ‘do.’ And I get here and want to keep ‘doing’. And He simply says to me, “Be. Be in Me. Enjoy me. I know all the things that are running through your brain. I know you need a job, a way to pay your bills and achieve all the things I have put in your heart. Right now, this moment, just be.” How often is it that I think God has turned His face from me, when in actuality it is my posture that has changed? It is I who have somehow looked away to stare at all the little distractions, (which are often valid and legitimate concerns). It seems contrary to thought and logic that the way to handle all the cares and responsibilities of my life is to stop looking at those things and just spend time looking at Him, being with Him.

As I read further through the Psalm, I come to my favorite picture of my Father. “Then He broke through and transformed all my wailing into a whirling dance of ecstatic praise! He has torn the veil and lifted from me the sad heaviness of mourning. He wrapped me in the glory-garments of gladness.” (v.11) What makes me most happy in reading this verse, is that He breaks through. He is never holding Himself far from me, rather He waged a war and won, so that I might stand and live and rest with Him in victory. His victory. So when I encounter the lies that have set themselves up against His truth, like dry twigs of little substance the lies burn away in the fire of His presence.

Yeah, that was my morning this morning. And I fully anticipate that it’s just going to get better and better. I have arrived safely at my destination and am settled in well. I will attempt to secure employment today, so all of you who see this, please pray for me. I promise to be better about posting here, so for everyone who has asked for updates, please just check in here.